


Apocalypse of Pastry Proportions

by jujukittychick



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oblivious Scoobies, On Hiatus, Slash, Spike has a sweet tooth, Xander has surprising talents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1705367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujukittychick/pseuds/jujukittychick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on a bunny from skuzzbopper on LJ : Xander's latest job is at a bakery. Spike loves pastry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was torn between several different titles, but the way this one sounded is just funny to me, so it won. Other working titles: Pastry Palace Apocalypse, Sweet Apocalypse
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the computer I'm typing this on and am making no money. The characters and fandom all belong to their respective creators and owners who *are* making money off them. I'm just doing this for my own fun and entertainment; in general, if you recognize something, I don't own it.

Xander, king of part-time jobs, had started yet another at the beginning of the year after getting (once again) fired from his last. Unfortunately, nights spent patrolling the Hellmouth and getting tossed around like a kid's toy, the outcome of which usually involving massive bruising and borderline concussions at least, didn't exactly lead to great work performance the next day.  
  
This job was different though, primarily because instead of pizza or burgers, he was now working at the Pastry Palace, Sunnydale's newest bakery, a field he had absolutely  _no_  experience with except the end results, his mother not exactly being a domestic goddess to learn from. The other difference, and most important, was that the owner was in Willow and Tara's Wicca group and was a frequent customer at the Magic Box and  _knew_  what really went on in the good old 'Dale. This meant she was willing to overlook some of Xander's clumsiness after a bad night or simply gave him her blessing when he had to call out due to pending apocalypse or demon takeover.  
  
It was the longest he'd held a single job.  
  
The surprising part was how much he was enjoying himself. He had a co-worker he could actually discuss his real life with, actual responsibility after a couple months working there, and all the free pastries he could possibly want. Though that last bit kind of lost its sparkle after a month or so of indulging himself, and he'd actually started cutting back on the amount of sweets he ate in general. The rest of the Scoobies were appreciative of his new job as well since he got to take home the pastries and cakes that wouldn't keep for another day. Of course  _that_  set the girls bitching about how much extra exercising they were having to do to keep their figures, but Xander didn't see them turning the treats away either.  
  
Of course that didn't mean he hadn't caught hell from the rest of the group, especially Spike, at the beginning either. He'd heard more jokes about him being the Cupcake King, Duke of Decorating and Pie Prince, he was ready to strangle all of them, well, except Giles, it was beneath their Watcher to participate in the teasing even though he didn't stop the rest either.  
  
Xander could only wish he was doing something as easy as icing a cake in the beginning. Most days, he was hauling 50 lb bags of sugar or flour out of the delivery trucks and into storage, not counting the largest blocks of butter he'd ever seen. After that, he was usually cleaning or taking phone orders or running deliveries.  
  
After a month or so, his matronly boss started teaching him how to make and work the dough for the various bread products they made, something she swore she didn’t really have the muscle for anymore even though he'd seen her carry one of the giant bags of sugar across the kitchen one day. He didn't mind though, the task, while physically demanding, was mindless work and gave him time to think over things and he found himself slipping into an almost meditative state some days, leaving his mind feeling clearer and more organized for the rest of the day.  
  
Another month and his boss gave him a key to the shop and taught him how to close up and balance the register and entrusted him with the task of making the evening deposits at the bank, figuring he at least knew what to look out for after dark. It was the most responsibility anybody had ever given him; even Giles preferred that he keep away from the register at the Magic Box. And if he had suddenly gotten choked up after she told him, well, his boss remembered something she  _had_  to have out of the back and could he be a dear and go get it for her. After that, he started showing up at her house on Sunday mornings, the only day the shop was closed, to find out if she had any yard work or repairs that needed taking care of, figuring it was the only way he could repay the woman's kindness.  
  
By summer, his boss had pretty much taken up solely working the front of the shop except when needed to take care of the delicate decorating and detail work on the various cakes and pies, leaving Xander in charge of prepping and making almost everything else. It was hard, demanding work, but he threw himself completely into it, determined to prove himself worthy of all the trust the woman who was becoming like a second mother to him placed in him.  
  
Fall arrived and his boss started teaching him how to do some of the fancy decorating work, something he finally laughingly told her he just  _couldn’t_  do. Although she kept at him every couple of days to practice, it really was something he just couldn‘t get the hang of, he felt too bulky and clumsy to pull it off, though in a pinch he could at least write “Happy Birthday“ on one of the cakes and it actually be legible.  
  
For the first time in seemed like forever, he felt really, truly happy. He had a steady job he loved, he was in the best shape he’d ever been in, and even though he wasn’t in a relationship since Anya had left him for some chaos demon (and wasn’t he starting to understand Spike’s dislike for the species), he didn’t feel like he  _needed_  to be with anyone either. Though the curious looks Spike had been giving him over the past few months had left him feeling…warm? Maybe. Confused? Definitely.  
  
Needless to say, Xander was waiting for the next apocalypse.


	2. Chapter 2

Spike would admit he was the first one to start teasing the whelp about his new job when he found out. Hell, it was part of his job description, wasn’t it. Show up, annoy the Watcher, slay, throw in some teasing banter, flirt with Buffy, and verbally torture the Zeppo. It wasn’t much, but he liked to think he was good at it. The girls joining in and even ol’ Rupert cracking a smile had just made it that much better.  
  
Had to give the boy credit though, he took it good naturedly. And the box of nibbles he brought was good enough that he’d filched more than his own fair share, didn’t even bother dunking them in his blood.  
  
After the third night of indulging himself, he began to think the witchy woman Xander was working for was magicking up the merchandise. The way the buttery, flaky pastry damn near melted in his mouth, and him with no body heat, just what he leeched off his microwaved blood. And the berry ones, just sweet enough, the juices bursting into his mouth as he bit into them, bringing to mind memories of when he was still able to feed proper like, that first sweet rush of blood that would fill his mouth as his fangs pierced flesh. Oh, and the chocolate and cream filled ones, smooth and silky, the taste and smell combining to almost overload his enhanced senses, forcing his eyes closed and the chatter around him to fade to white noise to better savor the experience. Never thought he’d feel in need of a cold shower just from eating human food. Yep, definitely witchy work.  
  
~~~  
  
A month or so later and Spike looked up after the whelp’s typical “Xan-man” entrance and wondered when the boy had gotten a new wardrobe. Gone were the horrendous Hawaiian shirts and baggy clothing , in its place were fitted jeans and a dark t-shirt that showcased long, muscled legs and a broad and, while not yet defined, chest, one that was well on its way to that point. If he happened to notice the way the boy’s biceps flexed as he picked up Little Bit and spun her around or the way the denim molded itself to his firm, rounded arse… Oh look, more of those fruit things he liked so much.  
  
  
With a seemingly careless snide remark regarding the lack of eye-blinding color in the whelp’s current outfit, he watched Xander shrug, t-shirt stretching tight for a moment, as he explained the need for fitted clothing around the machinery at work. Focusing once more on the box of nibbles left on the table, he realized that Xander wasn’t eating any like he normal did, though the girls didn’t seem to show any sign of giving up the treats. Maybe that was contributing to the whelp’s new physique…and oh, look, wasn’t Buffy’s new top showing a lot of cleavage tonight.  
  
~~~  
  
Another month on and there’s a hint of Spring in the air though night still falls early, only reason he caught sight of the whelp sitting half out of his car in front of the Magic Box. Afraid, no simply  _wondering_  if something was wrong with him, he drew close enough to watch as Xander stared at the ring of keys in his hand, the way his fingers played over one in particular over and over, and when he looked up to stare into the growing darkness, there was a look on his face Spike didn’t think he’d ever seen there before…pride, achievement. He could smell the salty tang of tears on the air, though to be fair, it was faint, and stepped back into the shadows quietly before deciding to wait inside the shop for the boy to arrive.  
  
Absently wondering what was going with Xander while listening to the girls natter on about their mid-term grades, he looked up in time to see the boy’s normal “Xan-man” entrance though there didn’t seem to be as much exuberance in it as usual, not that the girls seemed to notice. Spike’s own quickly sniped comment about the wisdom of the whelp being out after dark alone, he already had dibs on his nummy treat thanks to good ol’ Peaches after all, was half-hearted at best and earned him a suspicious look. However it did cause Xander to start babbling excitedly as he explained his new responsibilities at the bakery, bouncing happily in his chair all the while, something only he and Giles, gauging by the surprised look on the Watcher’s face, seemed to hear as the girls were too busy making plans for Spring Break.  
  
Spike also didn’t miss the flash of disappointment on the whelp’s face and sudden stillness as his news was carelessly shrugged off by the girls as Buffy asked Giles if there was some kind of apocalypsy thing that would require them being on the beach during the day. Wincing at the Slayer’s usual thoughtlessness, he glanced back over at the now quiet boy (and when did he start to miss the incessant babbling?) in time to see him nudge the box of pastries further down the table and closer to Spike himself. Peeking inside, he saw a couple of his favorites, the little fruit tarts and the bits with the chocolate cream. Had the whelp actually been paying attention to what he… _they_ …ate?  
  
~~~  
  
End of summer and the days were longer, meaning Spike was stuck inside most of it and bored to tears. Tired of hanging out in his crypt, he crashed at the Magic Box after patrolling with the others, making a bed out of the mats back in Buffy’s work out room. It was because of that decision that he got his first  _real_  look at Xander since he moved out of the whelp’s basement room. Xander had slipped quietly in the back door, shirt lifted as he wiped sweat off his face, revealing a defined chest and six-pack abs, skin tanned golden brown and smelling like sunshine and sweat, sugar and chocolate. His gaze fell to the narrow trail of dark hair starting at the boy’s navel before disappearing under the waistband of his low-slung jeans. Realizing he was staring  _at Xander_ , Spike coughed and patted himself down, looking for his cigarettes.  
  
Hearing the noise, Xander dropped his shirt, a small flush tinting his cheeks as he looked around guiltily. Spotting Spike on the pile of mats tucked back in a corner, he quickly shut the door, though the sunlight didn’t actually make it that far into the shop. “Oh, Spike! Sorry, man, forgot you crashed here last night; didn’t mean to wake you up. You know Giles doesn’t like you smoking in here. Why didn’t you just ask to stay with me? You could’ve at least had cable and it’s not like you’re not used to rooming with me.”  
  
Laughing to himself, Spike shook his head as he tried to follow the Xander-babble. “ S’alright, mate, was already awake, just bein’ lazy. An’ if it wasn’ quite so sunny outside, would be more’n happy to go outside to smoke. Kinda stuck til night now, aren’ I?” The boy’s last question actually threw him a bit and he took a long drag off his cigarette as he thought of how to respond. “Didn’ rightly think you’d want me back, what with you and the demon bint havin’ been all comfy cozy, Viking that you are an’ all.”  
  
The humorless laugh that slipped from the boy had Spike’s gaze narrowing as he watched Xander lean against one of the room’s support pillars. “You’re out of the loop, Fangless, didn’t you notice Anya hasn’t been around recently. Yeah, you’ll appreciate this, she ran off with some chaos demon, ugly ass thing too. I understand your viewpoint on them a lot better now, let me tell you.”  
  
Giles had come in about then and halted any further conversation between them. It was an eye-opener though, watching the whelp go from sexy…grrr,  _confident_ …laid back (even if slightly bitter at the moment)  _man_ , to the joking, nervous energy filled teen. The Zeppo, donut boy act was just that, an act. Hadn’t anyone else realized it? And, more importantly, why did he feel he needed to act that way around his  _friends_?  
  
~~~  
  
A couple months later, Xander showed up for the Scooby meeting with two of the little white boxes from the bakery. Blushing brightly, even through the tan he still carried, he shoved one between Spike and Giles with a muttered, “Scones, they’re new. Thought you guys would like them.”  
  
Opening the box, he saw his and Giles’ names written on alternating pieces in icing. Arching a brow, he looked at the boy curiously.  
  
“She’s making me practice,” was the only explanation he gave. He wouldn’t even meet their eyes and Spike couldn’t figure out what the big deal was, just more pastries wasn’t it?  
  
Apparently not. Apparently the whelp’s witchy boss had been at it again because they were perfect, the perfect balance of taste and just the right texture. A glance over at Giles showed that he was equally entranced, eyes closed as he savored a bite. Looking back at Xander, he saw a small, pleased smile tilting those lush pink lips, the tip of his tongue darting nervously out over them. What…bloody hell! And my, wasn’t the Slayer’s skirt short tonight. One good high kick and she’d be flashing the whole cemetery. Joyce would’ve never let her leave the house like that. Surprised the Watcher hadn’t said nothing, probably scared to get into a conversation in any way related to Buffy's knickers.  Maybe he ought to be the one to…what the…?  _Bloody hell!_  
  
He was attracted to Xander bloody Harris. There had to be an apocalypse in the works.


	3. Chapter 3

A week after the “revelation,” Spike was getting antsy. He still couldn’t believe he had a thing for the boy - goofy babbler, clumsy sidekick…loyal friend, courageous fighter…gorgeous, self-assured man. Alright, he could start to understand the attraction. Now he just had to figure out whether to do something about it or not. Most of the time, he could get on board with “not” but then he’d see him again bearing treats with Spike’s name written so carefully on them, shrugging it off as simply practice, though he noticed he didn’t do it for the others as much, or sitting off to the side just observing the girls as they gossiped with that new found calm, and he’d find himself wanting to pin down the other man and find out if he tasted as good as he smelled.  
  
He’d finally gotten up his nerve to act, it was stupid to be cowering after all, he was one-fourth of the Scourge of Europe, Slayer of Slayers, and defiler of innocents, male and female alike. He would  _not_  let some teenager intimidate him.  
  
So of course the bloody whelp wasn’t at the Magic Box when he got there early, thankful for the earlier nights that allowed him to run in with minimal risk. Growling softly at the inconvenience, Spike looked at the time and realized it wasn’t time for Xander to be off anyway. Well, that was alright, then, he’d just find him at work, probably better that way anyway, none of the others around to interfere. That settled, he headed back out, ducking into his beloved De Soto to drive the few blocks over to the Pastry Palace.  
  
Entering the shop for the first time, he immediately felt the tickle of magic brush over him and had to resist the urge to scrub at his arms, was like walking through cobwebs. The scents in the shop were a heady mix of butter and sugar, fruit and bread, chocolate and cinnamon and cream. Was no wonder Xander smelled so good all the time being surrounded by this all day.  
  
Hearing movement in the back, he curbed his impatience, jamming his hands in the pockets of his trench coat as he looked over the selection of nibbles in the glass cases, wondering if he could talk the whelp into giving him some free samples while he was there.  
  
Getting lost in a daydream of just  _how_  he could convince Xander to hand over the baked goods, not to mention a couple more interesting uses for icing, he almost missed hearing the person entering quietly from the back room.  
  
“So sorry, dear, was just finishing a batch of cookies. May I help you? Oh! You’re one of Xander’s friends… Spike is it?”  
  
Spike stared at the woman in surprise, first because she wasn’t afraid despite whatever the spell on the entrance told her and secondly, because she’d called him Xander’s friend. The whelp had apparently talked about him enough that his boss could recognize him on sight. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t mean anything, not to get his hopes up, and yet…  
  
Forcefully turning his thoughts from the “what-might-bes,” he took a good look at the woman Xander had spent the better part of the year with, certainly more time than with the Scoobies. She was a petite woman, barely reaching Spike’s shoulder, with hip length black hair shot through with silver, and a figure that would be at home in a Botticelli painting. She had the little wrinkles and lines around her eyes and mouth that spoke of a life of laughter and the same calm presence that Red’s girl, Glenda, had. Bloody unnerving it was.  
  
“Yes, mum, that’s me. So…um… Xander’s spoken of me then?” He could have slapped himself for actually saying that out loud, was bad enough he sounded like a bleeding ponce in his own head.  
  
The woman just gave him a knowing smile. “You can call me Anna, dear. And yes, he’s talked about you all quite a bit, but you’re the one I’ve been hearing the most about recently.” A small frown tugged at her lips and she began to straighten up behind the counter. “It sounds to me as if his other friends have gotten so wrapped up in their own lives, they’ve forgotten that he’s as much a part of things as anyone else. Oh, he doesn’t let on that it bothers him, but it’s in the way he suddenly seems to shut himself off. What the lot of you do is not easy, and it’s pretty much thankless. You have to be able to rely on each other for help.”  
  
Spike found himself frowning as well the more she spoke. So he wasn’t the only one that noticed that about his boy. At least he had  _someone_  he could talk to that would listen, but if he felt that way about his friends, what could he possibly be thinking about him.  
  
Almost afraid to ask, he prepared himself for the worst. “And what did he say about me?”  
  
She smiled slyly and shook her head. “Don’t you think you should ask him that yourself?” Taking pity on him, she handed over a little white box that she had packed while speaking to him. “He says you’re the only one that sees him anymore, but he’s not sure how he feels about it.”  
  
Peeking in the box, he saw a couple of his favorite little fruit and chocolate pieces. Noticing one item in particular missing from the selection, he looked up questioningly. “Do you have any of them li’l scones? The ones with the bits in them?”  
  
Anna laughed softly, her eyes sparkling with some hidden knowledge. “Oh, I don’t make those. That’s Xander’s recipe. He researched it and learned how to make it on his own. He makes those special for you…and Mr. Giles, of course. In fact, he’s made pretty much everything he’s taken to your group since the summer. Of course I think it shows what he feels about…things…pretty clearly. Don’t you?”  
  
Spike felt himself start to choke up. He had been right; the boy had been doing everything special just for them… for him? More resolved than ever to talk to the boy, he looked into the back room, listening for another heartbeat even as he asked, “Xander about?”  
  
“Oh, you didn’t know, dear? He’s home sick, called me first thing this morning. I hope he took my advice and called someone, he didn’t sound like he needed to be left alone.”  
  
Spike growled softly. The boy never called out of work unless it was serious, and knowing Xander, he’d probably called Willow when she was getting ready to leave for class and wouldn’t be paying real attention to what he said and was home alone all day. And the gods knew his parents wouldn’t care enough to check on him. Growing more concerned by the second, he started toward the door, stopping on the way out to look back at Anna, seeing concern in her eyes. “Thank you, mum for…everything. I’ll go check on him, have him call you.”  
  
The ride to Xander’s house seemed to take an eternity as his mind played over every possible disaster that could happen to the trouble prone boy. Maybe a curse had gotten him again, or a demon again? He didn’t remember going up against anything more than fledges recently but that didn’t mean that Xander hadn’t run into something on his own after he left the group.  
  
What if his dad had followed through on any of the numerous threats he’d heard while living with him?  
  
Parking a little down from the house, remembering his boy’s warnings about his parents knowing of Spike’s presence, he took a moment to compose himself. Was probably nothing, he was just overreacting. Grabbing the bakery box, he made his way to the basement entrance. He had just lifted his hand to knock when he heard a distressed moan. “Xander? Xander!” Trying the door knob, finding it unlocked, he cursed the boy for ten types of fool, anyone could just enter, even as he stormed inside, dropping the pastry box inside the door, unsure of what condition he’d find his boy in and his imagination supplying the worst scenarios possible. What he found left him frozen in shock for a long moment.  
  
Xander lay curled up on his couch in his old, beat up sweats and t-shirt, hair plastered to his head with sweat, his tan skin looking pale and his eyes glazed. The bathroom trashcan sat on the floor next to him with a wet towel leaking onto the rug next to it. The acrid scent of sickness and vomit filled the air.  
  
“Spike? What are you…you… oh God!” Xander grabbed the trashcan as he leaned over the couch, dry heaving as his stomach tried to remove what was no longer there. Moaning unhappily as the urge passed, he looked up at his visitor. “Spike, kill meeeee. I know you can think…of a way. Please? This has to be a curse…or something. I’m gonna die anyway, just…make it quick, ‘kay?”  
  
Spike shook his head, chuckling softly as he shook his head. After closing and lock the door, he made his way to the couch, looking down at the sad sight his boy made, pretty sure he knew what the problem was now. “Aw, Xan-pet, you’re a mess. You run into any demons o’ the cursing sort recently? Been scratched or bitten by anything? Played with any o’ the Watcher’s stuff he told you t’ stay away from?” At the dejected shake of his boy’s head after each option, he offered a small smile. “Sorry, mate, sounds like a good ol’ human virus to me.”  
  
Tucking a sweat damp lock of hair behind Xander’s ear and feeling how warm he was, he looked around the room, his nose wrinkling at the overwhelming stench of vomit now that the door was closed and there was no way fro the smell to escape. Probably wasn’t helping Xander much either gauging by the queasy look on his face.  
  
With a long-suffering sigh, he scooped Xander up in his arms, ignoring the embarrassed squawk and weak struggles as he carried him to the bathroom. Sitting him on the toilet, he started running a tepid bath, glancing over at the outraged boy as he did. “Can you strip by yourself or do you need my help with it?” The sudden flush to the pale skin and fish expression the boy was doing was reward enough and he chuckled before sitting back on his heels to really look at him.  
  
“Look, pet, you’re drenched with sweat and the gods only know what else and you’re running a fever. The bath should help take care of both. Plus, while you get clean in here, I can straighten up out there, ‘cause if I haveta smell that much longer,  _I’ll_  be puking me guts up too. Now, can you get stripped down or do you need help? Not like it’ll be anything I haven’t seen before, lived with ya for months after all, an’ not like Angelus was all that modest back in the day either.”  
  
~~~  
  
“Ugh, Spike! I’m already nauseous…and you go comparing me to Deadboy. Are you…trying to make me hurl?” But Spike’s words did the trick and he got past the moment of embarrassment acknowledging that the other man was right. The bath probably would make him feel better, he just hadn’t trusted trying it alone in case something happened, like him passing out and drowning, but Spike would be able to hear if something was wrong. And the smell  _was_ getting to him.  
  
Lifting shaking hands, he tried to pull his damp t-shirt off, closing his eyes as his weakened body started to shake with the effort. He felt a cool hand press against his burning cheek for a moment before moving to brush his hands away.  
  
“Shh, pet, just let me. Spike’ll take care of everything.”  
  
Spike’s gentle voice was almost as much a surprise as the gentle touch, guiding his heavy limbs as he carefully removed the sweat soaked clothes from his body, but then Xander remembered the way the blonde vampire had always cared for Druscilla. A part of him had always wondered what it would be like to be cared for like that, his parents had certainly never done more than the bare minimum for him, and though Willow tried to make up for them, she’d been a child too. As he’d gotten older, he’d gotten pretty adept at caring for himself, and then after meeting up with Buffy, they all pretty much took turns patching each other up, but it still wasn’t the same.  
  
How was it that this soulless demon could show such care? What could make the Big Bad himself stoop to playing nurse maid for a sick human, and not just any human, but the worthless one of the group, the donut boy, the Zeppo?  
  
Feeling his bare body being carefully lowered into the water, he realized he must have zoned out for a bit and opened his eyes only to wind up staring into the most beautiful blue eyes he’d ever seen, so clear and deep they were like gemstones. And he could see the concern for him in that steady gaze. Now that he though about it, he remembered him bursting into the basement in a panic as he called for him. He had been worried about  _him_ , had come seeking  _him_  out. Why?  
  
“Why?” His voice broke and he took a shuddering breath, the cool air burning his abused throat and could feel tears trying to form, he felt so overwhelmed, but he had to know. “Why are you here? Doing this? You’re the Big Bad, you…” His voice broke again and he swallowed painfully, shaking his head as Spike tried to shush him. He wanted,  _needed_  to know. “You shouldn’t be helping me…‘m nothing, just the Zeppo…not the Slayer, or…or witch…or…or…”  
  
Spike’s growl cut him off and he watched in fascination as blue topaz turned to molten gold mere inches away. He thought he should be scared, but he couldn’t be, not when he could see some unknown emotion flickering in that fearsome gaze. He lifted his hand, tracing the pronounced ridges around those glowing eyes with damp fingertips, sure that Spike would shove him away. Instead, he sucked in a startled breath as warmth of a different kind stole through him.  
  
~~~  
  
Spike turned his head to press a gentle kiss to the palm of his boy’s hand. He hadn’t meant to vamp out, but Xander’s words clawed at his heart. He really believed that about himself. His voice carried a distinct growl as he spoke, reaching out to cup Xander’s cheek, making sure the boy met his gaze. “You are not  _just_  the Zeppo. You are not  _just_  anything; haven’t been for a long time, pet. Why am I here? Helping you?” Now it was himself he had to force to make eye contact. “Care about you, don’t I? Prob’ly more’n I should. Prob’ly more’n you want. But…” It was his turn to get choked up and he couldn’t hold that warm chocolate gaze any longer. Reverting back to his human features, he pressed one lingering kiss to the warm palm pressed against his cheek, smelling sickness yes, but under that the sweet chocolate and sunshine scent that was all Xander.  
  
Clearing his throat, he lowered Xander’s hand back to the bathtub and stood. “But I don’t expect nothin’, pet. I’m gonna make sure you get better and then I’ll be out o’ your hair, yeah? You rest, I’m gonna go clean out front. I’ll leave the door cracked in case you need me.”  
  
Spike fled the bathroom without waiting for a response, afraid of what he might hear. For now he could at least pretend that Xander might have some feelings for him, the way he had looked at him, didn’t flinch away when he’d slipped into game face either, hell had  _touched_  him even. Pacing across the excuse of a living room, he decided he could live with his delusions for a while.  
  
Damn, he’d kill for a smoke, but he didn’t want to leave the basement in case Xander needed him and he didn’t want the smoke to make him more nauseous or irritate his already sore throat. Deciding to put his restless energy to use, he bundled up all the clothing and towels and bedding, tossing them in the washer, though he didn’t risk starting it, figuring the smell would at least be contained that way.  
  
Peeking in the bathroom, he saw Xander’s head resting against the back of the tub, heard the even breaths and beat of his heart and realized he’d fallen asleep. He looked so fragile in that moment, it made his heart constrict. How was he going to be able to face him night after night and still keep an emotional distance after this? How could he stand to watch his boy take another beating on patrol?  
  
Sighing, he forced himself back to work, scrubbing stuff down, remaking the bed, and opening the tiny window to help air out the room. After a little rummaging around he found the tea bags Xander kept just for visitors and started a pot of water to boil. Finding some nice soft pajamas and clean boxers, he took a deep breath to steady himself and re-entered the bathroom. At least Xander was looking better, color coming back to his face and the fever breaking. Brushing the back of his fingers over the stubble covered cheek, he called Xander’s name softly, waiting til he blinked dazedly up at him. “There you are, pet. I’m gonna wash you now okay. Won’ take but a minute and we’ll get you settled in bed.”  
  
He carefully washed his hair and then tried to stay as impersonal as he could as he carried out the rest of his task to spare his boy any embarrassment, though he couldn’t help sensing the sudden rush of blood as Xander blushed when he reached his lap. Ignoring the reaction, he finished up quick as he could knowing Xander didn’t like feeling helpless any more than himself.  
  
“Right then, there we are; everybody out.” Helping him out of the tub, Spike had him sit on the edge as he began to dry him off and then helped him into his clothes. Carrying him to his bed, the hold awkward more from Xander’s larger size than weight, he still imagined that he could feel him cling to him a moment longer than necessary as he set him down. After making sure he was settled, he returned to the kitchen to fix a cup of tea, liberally doctoring it with honey, before returning to sit on the edge of the bed next to him.  
  
“ _Very_  small sips. ‘T should help your throat, but don’t want it to shock your stomach into rebelling again.” He silently watched the cup tremble as it was lifted, resisted the urge to help. He refused to look up into those expressive eyes, afraid of what he might see. Gods, he was bleeding pathetic. He’d wanted to talk to him about what he was feeling, but now that he had started to, and a half-arsed attempt at that, he was afraid to hear his boy’s… no not  _his_  anything…the whelp’s response.  
  
So distracted was he by his darkening thoughts, he didn’t notice the cup being set down. He did notice the warm hand that settled over his on the bed though and looked up, startled.  
  
~~~  
  
“Thank you, Spike. Nobody’s ever…no one’s ever done something like this for me. Cared for me like this. Willow, she tries, but… it’s not the same. What you said earlier…No, please, look at me, Spike. What you said earlier… I don’t know what I want anymore. Thought I did. But things… I’ve changed this year. And you’ve watched me change… I could feel it all those times. No one else noticed but  _you_  did and  _you‘re_  here… when I needed someone. Not Willow or my parents… or Buffy or Giles, but…” He started coughing, his abused throat unable to take the Xander babble, then his stomach started cramping and he started sucking in deep breaths trying to fight off the nausea.  
  
“Shh, shh, pet. Come on, Xan, calm down. I’ve got you, luv. Calm down. S’okay. I’ve got you. Breathe slow now, small breaths, don’t irritate your throat.” Spike’s arms were suddenly around him, pressing his head down against his shoulder as he gently rubbed his back, soothing him with words and touch. At that moment, he couldn’t understand how Dru could ever want to give this up. Spikes’ entire being seemed to be focused on him and his well being alone. He’d never experienced anything like. It amazed him. It confused him. It…made him really sleepy.  
  
~~~  
  
Spike heard Xander’s breathing even out once more and lay him back in the bed, but as he tried to pull away, Xander’s hands tightened the hold they had gotten on his shirt. With what he knew was a sappy smile, he disentangled himself enough to settle on the bed next to his… _his_ … boy, one arm draped protectively across the broad chest, his other hand idly brushing back the thick brown hair, marveling at the texture as the strands slipped through his fingers. With a smile on his face, he let himself doze off. Xander hadn’t turned him away. He had a chance. He had hope. The rest could wait for later.


	4. Chapter 4

Spike was roused from his nap by Xander’s restless tossing and turning. Looking at him, he saw his skin was flushed and he’d started sweating again. Thanking the gods that vampires couldn’t catch pesky human viruses, he set about waking his boy, getting a mumbled “g’way” for his effort. Smiling indulgently, he shook the boy gently. “Come on, pet, wake up for me. Think we need to get some medicine into ya and I promised your boss you’d call her.”  
  
“Spike? I don’t feel so good…”  
  
Spike saw the way Xander started holding his stomach again and quickly moved from the bed before scooping him up and carrying him to the bathroom, setting him on his feet just in time for him to drop to his knees in front of the toilet and lose the cup of tea he had drank earlier. “Ah, Xan-pet, you’re a sorry sight, luv.”  
  
Wetting a rag, Spike helped Xander get cleaned back up and helped steady him as he walked slowly back to the couch, misery radiating from him. Making sure his boy was as comfortable as possible, he grabbed the cordless phone, remembering the promise he’d made to Anna. “Here now, luv, promised your boss lady I’d have you call ‘er, but that was before our li’l nap. You ‘ave ‘er private number?”  
  
Running his fingers through Xander’s hair soothingly, he dialed the number as his boy spoke, each word sounding like it took the greatest effort to utter. “’Ello, mum? Spike here. Found Xander and he’s…well, he’s not well, but don’ think it’s anything more serious than a virus. Yes, mum, hold on, I’ll check.”  
  
Tucking the phone against his chest, he leaned over so he was in Xander’s line of sight. “Xan-pet, you feel up to talking to Anna?”  
  
~~~  
  
Xander thought for a moment before nodding and taking the phone from Spike, his words coming slowly as he fought against a sore throat and the urge to hurl once more. “Anna? Yeah, I’m okay.”  
  
He heard Spike snort and looked over the back of the couch to where the blonde had wandered off, he assumed to give him a semblance of privacy. Rolling his eyes, he revised what he said. “Okay, I’m sick. Yeah, some stomach thing…I think. No, ma’am, but Spike’s here now.” Xander winced as the soft spoken woman said his name with such a wealth of disappointment. To be fair, he  _had_  called Willow…he just knew she wouldn’t really be paying attention when he did. It didn’t seem that bad then. “I’m sorry, Anna…I won’t do it again.”  
  
He looked up as his unlikely caretaker settled on the arm of the couch, leaned into the cool touch as slender fingers started playing through his hair again. Unaware of how his features had softened, he smiled up at Spike. “Yeah, he’s taking real good care of me. Our conversations? Oh…Oh!”  
  
Xander felt himself blush and was unable to meet Spike’s gaze. “We, uh…we talked a little bit about it earlier.” He felt the fingers in his hair still, pull away and reached up quickly to grab his hand, trying to reassure the other man. “Yeah, we’ll talk more when I’m better, promise. Thank you, Anna. Good night.”  
  
Looking at a stray string coming from the button on his pj top, he pulled gently on it, watching as it slowly pulled free of the fabric. “She said she told you about some stuff I had talked to her about.”  
  
“Ah. She didn’ say a lot, actually told me to ask you about it. Jus’ said you thought I was the only one seein’ you recently. Which, I can’t really argue against. I know they’re your friends, pet, but they’ve been a might self-absorbed this year.”  
  
Xander focused on the feeling of Spike’s hand in his - long, slender fingers, almost delicate looking, much like the rest of the man, but hiding so much strength. Spike could easily kill Xander, break him, and instead bestowed gentle touches that soothed his sick body. Why? He’d asked before but the answer, “he cared,” just didn’t make sense. “Why?’  
  
“Why what, pet?”  
  
“Why do you care about  _me_  of all people?”  
  
“Why is it so hard t’ believe?”  
  
“ _Because_  I’m just me, nothing special. The others… they all grew up, well Buffy’s still the Slayer, but then Willow’s got all the witchy stuff with Tara to back her up, and I’m still just me… normal as always. The only thing I’m good for is comic relief. So, yeah, why me?”  
  
Spike growled softly. “Thought we’d already had this talk. That is not all you’re good for. You’re loyal and brave; you have good ideas most of the time when you actually bother sharing them with the rest of us. You bake some of the best nibbles I’ve ever had and on top of that, you’ve gotten t’ be a right treat to look at… well when you’re not all pukey feelin’, at least.”  
  
Xander thought about that; he didn't doubt the other man’s sincerity, his reactions were too emotional for Spike to just be playing with him. What really made him have to stop and think was that it was  _Spike_ , and not because of the whole demon thing, he’d been dating a former vengeance demon after all, but because Spike was a guy, very noticeably and unapologetically a guy, and Xander had never even considered having a relationship with a guy. Oh he could admit that Spike was good looking, he hadn’t lied when he told Buffy he could see the attraction, but it was still a big leap from thinking a guy was hot to actually having a relationship with one… to having sex with one. And he was  _way_  too sick to be entertaining the kind of thoughts  _that_  led to.  
  
Xander looked up as he felt Spike gently squeeze his hand before pulling away and standing up and wondered how long he’d been lost in thought.  
  
“You feel up to some tea and toast? Need somethin' in your stomach ‘fore you try to take any medicine.”  
  
When the very idea of food didn’t make him lunge for the trash can, he nodded. “Yeah, I think I could try it. And, um, Spike? What medicine?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone thinks to say anything, yes Spike’s accent is all over in this chapter, I figured it kind of comes and goes, gets worse and better based on his emotional state (the more agitated, the worse the Mockney gets, the more desperate the proper English comes out). Long chapter; is it bad when there’s more smut than story? lol

“’What medicine?’ he says. Doesn’ call for help, no he’s got t’ tough it out on his own, like his friends won’ come running… then again I wouldn’ want Red hovering over me either if I felt like shite.” Spike had been pacing as he scrolled through the phone’s address book looking for Giles’ number, muttering the entire time.

Xander blushed slightly, unsure whether he should feel offended or not. “I am sitting right here, you know. I can hear you, Spike.”

Spike just waved away his complaints as he listened to the phone ring. As Giles answered and gave the standard shop greeting, he fought back a growl. His boy was sick, he had to find out how to make him better, he didn‘t have time to wait for the Watcher to get to the point. Okay, so he had time, just not patience. “’Bout bloody time! Oi, Rupes, the boy’s sick, what do I need to give him to make him better?”

Xander rolled his eyes and covered his face with his hands. ON the one hand it did make him feel all warm and fuzzy that somebody cared enough to go to the trouble of trying to fix him. On the other, Spike had no clue the can of worms he just opened.

Spike scowled as Giles responded, his voice raising and accent deepening in agitation. “Wot d’ ya mean, ‘What boy?’ Xander o’ course; how many other boys d’ ya know?”

Xander fought back a laugh; Spike had a point, only other “boys” Giles knew were Oz and Riley and they were both out of the picture now so who else would he be calling about. He sobered quickly though as the next thought came to him: maybe Giles just didn’t care enough to think of him at all. Considering how little attention the others had paid to him recently, it would certainly fit.

Sensing a sudden burst of anguish coming from his boy, Spike reclaimed his seat on the arm of the battered couch, letting his fingers comb through Xander’s silky hair as he sent him a questioning look, listening to Giles prattle on about doctors and such. He frowned as Xander refused to meet his gaze, though he didn’t pull away from his touch.

“Oi, Watcher, enough! Neither me or the boy got money for a doctor. Think I’d be wasting time talking t’ you if we did? ‘T’s why I called, just tell me what medicine will fix him. Huh? Oh, bad fever and pukin’ his guts up.”

At Giles’ next question, Spike had to fight the urge to crush the phone, how bloody clueless were Xander’s so called friends. Tucking the receiver between his shoulder and ear, he slid his hands down to cover his boy’s ears, as if he was a little kid he didn’t want hearing grown up talk…not too far from the truth actually. Ignoring Xander’s glare and feeble attempts to escape his hold, he spoke as softly as he could and still be able to be heard by the man on the other end of the line. “It’s Xander, Rupert. When have his parents ever given a flyin’ fuck about him unless he’s late on makin’ his next rent payment. Think, man!”

Scenting salt and embarrassment, he looked down at Xander’s flushed, miserable face, a glistening streak on each cheek betraying his silent tears. Apparently he had still managed to hear him. Feeling his heart clench at the silent suffering his boy was going through, he urged him to scoot forward a little on the couch before slipping over the arm to settle behind him. Pulling him back, he hugged him gently, rubbing his cheek against his hair absently as he listened to Giles prattle on.

Swallowing his pride, he interrupted the other man once more. “Please, Rupert, just tell me what to do to make him better. If he was a vampire, I’d just keep pouring blood into him until he healed, but that won’t work with him. I don’t know how to take care of a human anymore and he can’t do it himself right now.” Spike pulled the phone away and scowled at it before returning it to his ear, “What d’ ya mean, ‘Why do I care?’ Jus’ do, ya don’ need t’ know any more than that.”

Xander turned his head to look back at this unlikely caretaker. Spike looked, well worried; it was so strange. Well, worried and pissed, though he could just imagine what Giles said to prompt that last response from his bleached menace; probably accusing him of being after something or having some kind of nefarious plan. But he was practically begging Giles for help, for him. The Big Bad begging for help for the Zeppo, it wasn’t right. And when was the last time anybody had been that concerned about him; he couldn’t remember, but it was probably Willow and she was practically his sister.

“No! No mojo! Watcher, you tell Red No and make sure she doesn’t!”

Focused as he was on his thoughts, Spike’s sudden outburst startled him and he jerked away from him then had to focus on breathing to settle his stomach. Then the actual words sunk in and he spun around, practically straddling Spike’s lap as he scrambled for the phone, finally just dragging Spike’s arm closer so he could yell into the headset. “No! No, Giles! No, mojo! Do not let Willow start playing around, I’ll wind up with the plague or leprosy or something! I…I… oh shit, Spike, I think I’m gonna…” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Spike had him repositioned on the edge of the couch and was shoving the trash can into his hands.

Spike sighed and rubbed soothing circles on his boy’s back, apparently all the rapid movement was too much for his sick body to handle, and told the Watcher to call him back when he had an answer for him then proceeded to thank whatever deity listened to vampires that he didn’t need to breathe as Xander finished and collapsed weakly back on the couch.

Shaking his head at the pitiful sight, Spike sighed once more and set to getting his boy cleaned back up and tucked into bed. It was a statement to how bad the brunette was feeling that he didn’t even put up a token resistance, simply muttered the request for Spike to, “kill me now…put me out of my misery” repeatedly. He simply laughed as he tucked Xander back into bed and gave him a cocky grin. “But if I do that, I can’t take advantage of you later.” The shocked look followed by a blush and a shaky laugh was totally worth it.

 

~~~

 

In the end, Giles came through just like they both knew he would, even taking it upon himself to stop by and drop everything Xander might need off, saving Spike a trip…though it may have been more the thought of saving whatever unfortunate pharmacist Spike might have found to help him than any true benevolent thoughts towards the vampire. Regardless, by the next morning, Xander was medicated and back to eating dry toast and drinking weak hot tea and reveling in the experience of being fussed over for the first time in what felt like forever. Even when he was with Anya, she was more focused on her own new human condition to worry much about the little things that someone might like when they’re sick, simply plying him with whatever he needed to get him back to normal as quickly as possible so he could go back to giving her orgasms and making money.

One thing about being laid up sick, it gave him plenty of time to think about things, more specifically this thing with Spike. He looked over at the blonde that was starting to take up more and more of his thoughts, stretched out on the beat up recliner to nap, “just for a li’l while, can‘t expect a vamp to stay awake all bloody day and night, ‘specially after takin‘ care of a sickling.” Xander couldn’t help the soft smile that tilted his lips; even after all that bluster, Spike had still fussed over him to make sure he had everything he needed handy and told him several times to wake him up immediately if he needed him.

Spike said he cared about him, “probably more than he should“. Spike was there taking care of him while he was sick, cleaning up after him and keeping him fed and medicated and hydrated. But beyond that, it was the little things, like all the fuss before his nap, even refusing to leave the room Xander was in even though the bed would have been much more comfortable, and rubbing his back while he was puking up his guts, the gentle way he bathed and dressed him without making it any more awkward or embarrassing than it had to be. And once again, he thought Dru was a complete idiot for giving that up for some slimy chaos demon and hoped she was never able to get the slime out of her beloved dollies’ hair for the pain she put his Spike through. Though, he certainly wasn’t arguing with the outcome, he’d never felt so special, so…loved.

Oh, he’d loved both Cordy and Anya, and they’d said they loved him, but it was the first time he’d ever really felt like the other person might be telling the truth. To be fair, he knew Cordy did care about him, the disaster that was the end of their relationship wouldn’t have been as bad as it was if she hadn’t, but how can you feel really loved if your partner feels she needs to hide you from the people she knows. And Anya, she was just re-learning what it meant to be human and he was willing to help her. Really, he’d been much more of an experiment in human relations than a real boyfriend, maybe that was why she’d left him for a chaos demon too.

But the question was, could he handle being in a relationship with Spike? He’d never thought of himself as bi much less gay, and now he was seriously considering following through on Spike’s…what, offer? Announcement? Either way, this was a whole new path to potential failure and embarrassment and was he really willing to go through that?

He looked at the sleeping blonde critically, starting at the bleach blonde hair that he knew from their time spent living together, curled gently when not gelled into an inch of its unlife and wondered what it would be like to run his fingers through it; he certainly had enjoyed it when Spike did it to him. Next were the closed eyes that he knew to be the most amazing shade of blue and reflected back to his dazed thoughts in the tub about them looking like priceless gemstones. He’d had those eyes trained on him in suspicion and anger and amusement in the past, now he’d seen them full of caring and something even deeper maybe. He thought about how they seemed to sparkle and flash when he was pumped full of adrenaline after a good fight, thought it would probably be what they’d look like in the heat of passion.

Next were those amazing cheekbones, so angular and sharp, like they could cut you if got too close, and the soft pink lips that had pressed against his forehead, and wondered what it would be like to trace the sharp angles with his tongue, to press his own lips to his. Next, and certainly not least in any way, was the lithe body, containing so much strength and power, pared down to lean muscle with no hint of fat or curves anywhere…well except for his ass, which Xander could admit to having checked out least once during the past day, simply out of curiosity…really. No, there was no mistaking the man in front of him for anything except that. And thanks once again to their time spent living together, not to mention Spike’s own lack of anything resembling modesty, Xander knew he was quite well, um, equipped as well, the thought of which, and the reason he might be taking interest now, brought on what felt like a full body blush not to mention making him squirm and argue with himself that he was definitely too sick to be taking full notice. What happened after he felt better was another matter.

Lastly, he couldn’t help looking at the hands that were resting on the arms of the recliner, long slender fingers, almost delicate looking…artist’s hands he’d heard someone say once. And as he remembered some of the stories he’d heard about Spike’s pre-vamp life, he saw how the phrase seemed to fit him, could imagine the fingertips stained with ink as he spilled his heart out onto paper. He knew Spike was strong, he could easily lift Xander though his larger size made it awkward, and he’d been grabbed and thrown around back in their early days, but his touch had been so gentle while he took care of him, cleaning him, soothing him as he was sick and he couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to feel those hands on him in other ways, to feel them glide over his skin teasingly, tracing his contours, seeking out every hidden erogenous spot, bringing him towards…

“No! Too sick! Way too sick for this!” Xander covered his brightly blushing face with his cooler hands and focused on slow breaths while he thought of anything that could bring his libido back under control - research, tests, his parents, principle Snyder. A sleepy voice had him peeking through his fingers.

“Mmm, luv, though I can certainly appreciate the effects, ‘t’s kinda hard to sleep with you flooding the room with pheromones. ‘Specially when you’re right and you’re way too sick to follow through with anything.” Spike opened his eyes, turning his gaze towards his blushing, and apparently quite aroused, boy.

Xander swallowed hard, staring into those bright blue eyes that seemed darker, a lot more predatory, all of a sudden as Spike slipped gracefully from the recliner and stalked the few steps over to the couch to crawl onto it, straddling Xander’s lower legs and essentially pinning him in place.

“Now, luv, care to share what’s got you feelin’ all hot and bothered all of a sudden? I slip off into dream land and wake to find you talkin’ to yourself and smelling like…a dream.” Spike’s lips quirked at his humor.

Xander was caught on the edge of praying for the ground to swallow him up, you never really quite wanted to go there in the ‘Dale after all, but the sentiment was there at least. How was he supposed to tell Spike that it was thoughts of Spike that had him horny? Biting his lip, he looked nervously around the room, trying to ignore the feeling of Spike sitting on his legs…the feeling of Spike suddenly covering him with his own body. He eeped and brought his startled gaze back to meet blue eyes that were suddenly in front of his own, felt his heartbeat speed and tongue dart nervously over his lips as he sucked in a surprised breath.

Spike’s eyes widened in surprise. He’d simply leaned over the reclining boy to capture his attention since he seemed unwilling to look at him, though he was careful to keep his weight braced on his hands on the arm of the couch above Xander’s hands. He’d thought his boy had possibly started to nod off thinking about his demon bint, but no, he was wide awake and from his reaction, thinking of… “So that’s the way it is? Been thinking’ ‘bout things while I was sleepin’? Guess, you’ve made some kind of decision, or at least your body has. Wish you coulda picked a better time though, luv, as you said, you really are too sick for anything physical. Though I’ve been waitin’ this long, I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” His voice dropped as a thought struck him and he gazed into those deep brown eyes, searching for the truth. “O’ course, that is assuming it was me you were thinking of, if not, I’ll feel a right fool.”

Xander sucked in a shaky, nervous breath, seeing the heat, and uncertainty, in the deep blue gaze. It was that uncertainty that did him in. Reaching a hand up, he gently ran his fingertips along Spike’s jaw, marveling at how soft his skin felt and steeled his nerve. “Yes, it was you I was thinking of, Spike; no one else. I was trying to figure out if I might be able to return your feelings; never thought of myself with a guy, after all. I mean, I already like you as a friend, and I think I probably could like you in the…the boyfriend sense, but that’s all emotions. I wasn’t sure about the physical part, cause we’re both guys and I know eventually if we were together it would have to go that way, right? And, well, I guess my imagination got a little carried away. Sorry to wake you up.”

“Ah, luv, you can wake me up that way anytime…once you’re better that is. For now, I guess ’t’s a cold shower for me.” Leaning down slightly, he hesitated for a moment before placing a soft, chaste kiss on his boy’s full lips and crawled carefully off the couch, not so subtly adjusting himself as he stood.

“No, Spike, don’t do that! I mean, you hate the cold, and it’ll take you forever to get warmed back up if you do that.“ Xander looked up at him, blushing and nervous and pushed himself up until he was sat upright. “Maybe…maybe we could go lay down on the bed together again?”

Spike groaned softly, his boy was trying to kill him, that’s all it was. He was so hard it hurt, and that just from the way Xander smelled and the fact that he’d been thinking of him and gotten aroused. And now he wanted to go lay down in that nice big bed together. But, it wasn’t like he’d deny him anything either.

Xander didn’t know what he was thinking when he stopped Spike, though he was starting to get an idea as Spike helped him make his shaky way back to bed and they got settled down on top of the covers. The question was, was he brave enough to go through with what he had in mind? He looked over at Spike as he shifted restlessly, the tight denim obviously uncomfortable, but he merely sat there next to him, trailing those wonderful fingers through his hair again, denying himself because Xander asked him not to. How could he not reward that. “Spike? I was thinking…um, since you’re so uncomfortable and everything why don’t you, you know, take care of it? Those tight jeans can’t be comfortable like that.”

Spike blinked in shock, sure he didn’t hear what he thought he just heard. “Let me get this straight, you don’ want me to take a cold shower, but you do want me to wank? Guess a hot shower wouldn’ be that bad, but I thought you wanted me to lay down here with you? Startin’ to get as barmy as Dru, luv.”

Xander’s fading blush quickly returned. “No, well yes, that is what I meant, but not in the shower. Why not do it here? I mean, unless you don’t want to of course, I just kinda thought maybe, well, we could see how comfortable I might be with all this, and since I can’t really do anything right now, you could though, and I could watch? And it’s a stupid idea I know, and I’m going to shut up and die of embarrassment while you go take a shower.”

Spike darted down and stole a lingering, though still chaste, kiss, effectively silencing his boy. He’d have to remember that method in the future. “Xander, luv, I just want t’ make sure of what you’re asking before I do something to mess up whatever this is we’re trying t’ start. You want me t’ stay here and wank, in front of you, so you can watch and see if you’d be comfortable with doin’ something with a bloke?” At Xander’s hesitant nod, Spike grinned and rewarded him with another brief kiss, whispering against his lips, “Can’t tell ya how hot that is, you watchin’ me get off while I think of all the lovely things I want t’ do t’ you one day.”

Xander sucked in a shaky breath, Spike’s whispered words seemingly going straight to his still hard cock, his tongue darting nervously out over his lips, catching the lingering taste of cigarettes and liquor that was so essentially Spike. He wanted this to happen, but he didn’t know how he was going to make it through it without losing his mind. Spike and rage and anger and fighting just seemed to go naturally together. Spike and sex…that should be an illegal combination, it was completely sinful to just think about, much less watch.

Spike slid from the bed and gathered up a small mound of pillows and cushions to pile at the foot of the bed, laughing softly at Xander’s confused look. He grabbed the end of his shirt, starting to pull it off before pausing, looking to Xander to gauge his reaction, thinking he might not quite be ready to see everything all at once. But Xander merely nodded, a little slowly, and the smile he offered was a little shaky, but it was there. Smiling he pulled off his shirt, tossing it carelessly to the floor before reaching for the straining fastening of his jeans. Once again, he paused, waiting for Xander’s instructions, and at the hesitant nod, carefully undid the button and zipper, sighing in relief as his aching erection was freed. Letting the denim slither its way down his legs, he stood next to the bed, letting Xander look his fill. True, his boy had seen him naked in the past, but that had been different, that had been him trying to get a reaction out of the nervous Scooby that was reluctantly giving him a place to live. This time, it was giving his future lover time to adjust to the situation, to get to know him.

Xander knew he was damn near panting just from watching the impromptu strip show, but gods, what a show. His memory of Spike’s body hadn’t done it justice, lean and muscular, pale pink nipples that were already pebbled in the cooler air of the room, the darker blonde hair that trailed from just below his navel down to…and there he had to stop for just a moment. It was one thing to catch a glimpse while Spike was coming out of the shower and about to get dressed, this was looking for the sake of looking, getting to know what he would potentially be coming very intimately acquainted with. And after several long moments of thought, he decided he was okay with that.

So he looked. And his memory had been pretty right on that aspect of Spike’s body, he was quite well equipped - pale skin flushed a bright rosy pink, long and, while not quite as thick as Xander’s own cock, still impressive. Fingers twitching with the urge to reach out and touch, he clenched his hands, not quite ready to go there yet, not until he could be a fully active participant. Dragging his gaze up the muscular torso, he met the amused gaze of his…boyfriend? Seemed like such a tame word for someone like Spike.

“Like what you see, luv?” The dazed look on Xander’s face as he had taken his time looking him over made him feel invincible. He hadn’t missed those twitching fingers either and had to bite back a groan at the thought of feeling them run over his body. As excited as he was, things might not be lasting that long at the rate they were going. Climbing onto the bed, he made himself comfortable, leaning back against the pile of pillows so the two of them could easily watch each other.

Wiggling slightly to get comfortable, he spread his legs out, his hand falling to his lap, fingers starting to trail slowly up and down the throbbing shaft. “Do ya want me to tell ya what I’m thinking’ of while I do this? Or do you want me quiet, ready to take orders?” Spike grinned as he caught the small burst of pheromones at that suggestion, something to keep in mind for down the road.

“Tell…” Xander’s voice broke and he coughed, his gaze riveted on those long, slender fingers trailing up and down the flushed shaft. “Tell me?”

Brushing his fingertips over the head, he collected the pre-cum that was oozing steadily from the tip before running them back down his shaft, repeating the motion several times before finally beginning to stroke his cock slowly, letting his mind wander even as his gaze stayed locked on the flushed and panting features of his boy. “I can see us like this, both naked though, you crawling up my body little by little as you kiss your way up over my chest, stopping t' bite at my nipples, my neck, while your hand slips between our bodies, wrapping around both our cocks, smearing our pre-cum over them both as you start to stroke them together.”

Spike paused, biting his lip as he watched Xander start to unconsciously rub his hand over his flannel enclosed erection, and had to drag his mind back to his tale. “I’d add my hand to yours, sliding and stroking along side yours. Can you imagine it, hot and cold hands against cold and hot throbbing flesh, though my skin would keep getting hotter just from being in contact with you, and you’d be so hot. Just like you are now, hot and throbbing and smelling better than any dessert.”

He started stroking faster, tugging the foreskin up over the head with every couple strokes, teasing himself with the different feelings. He could swear he could feel the weight of Xander’s gaze against his skin, wished his little fantasy could be real, but it had to wait, he knew that. And yet Xander sat in front of him, absently rubbing and squeezing at his erection as he watched Spike, he could see the growing wet patch staining the pants where it rubbed against the head and had to restrain himself from leaning forward and tasting. He could feel his features trying to change as he watched the unintentionally erotic sight in front of him and fought it, not wanting to ruin their moment together, only to have Xander’s voice catch him off guard.

“Go ahead, Spike. I know what you are, you won’t scare me. And if…if we’re going to do this, it’ll happen eventually. Let me see all of you.”

Spike was shaken to his core, unable to believe that Xander actually was okay with it, accepted him, all of him. Relaxing, he let the change happen, felt his facial features shift, felt his fangs drop, and watched everything taken on a whole new richness as his eyes changed. Afraid of what he’d see, his hand pausing in its movements, he looked up at Xander, only to see acceptance and desire. He truly wasn’t bothered, and Spike once more felt invincible. Pushing himself up, he darted forward, straddling Xander’s legs and claiming his mouth in another kiss, careful not to nick him with his fangs. Pressing their foreheads together, Spike spoke softly, voice husky. “You are so amazing, Xander. When you’re better, when we’re able to be t'gether properly, I’m going t' take you every way you’ll let me, I’m goin' t' rub my cum into your skin and mark you so every demon in the whole damned Hellmouth knows who you belong to.”

He raised his free hand to rest over Xander’s racing heart, his other hand stroking his cock as hard and fast as was comfortable and buried his face against his neck, feeling one of Xander’s hands bury itself in his hair, keeping him pressed close as if giving permission to… Shifting back to human, he bit down over the thundering pulse point, sucking hard as he suddenly came, his hips bucking as he coated his hand and stomach with his cum. Hearing his name shouted suddenly, Spike jerked back in alarm, only to grin at the happily dazed look on his boy’s face and the large wet spot on the front of his pants.

Capturing Xander’s gaze, he brought the boy’s hand up to his mouth and began to lick it clean, moaning as he finally got a small taste of him. Noticing the livid purple mark on the side of Xander’s neck now, he winced though and gave him an apologetic look. “Sorry ‘bout that, I kinda got carried away but I was tryin’ to be careful.”

Xander gave him a lazy smile, pressing a finger to Spike’s lips to silence him. “No, I wanted it. I um, I liked being marked like that, just always made sure Anya kept them where my clothes would cover, but what you said… Gods, Spike, that was so hot, it shouldn’t be, you scent marking me basically, but we can’t right now, and I’m totally thinking I’m not going to have a problem with the whole sex thing in the future, but at least you could leave some mark, cause I know your demon really wants to, and the thought of you biting me while we’re having sex is actually kind of really hot too, and…”

Spike laughed and kissed him again, a closed mouth, lingering, careful kiss, even after everything that had just happened, and especially after, he didn’t want to risk triggering Xander’s sickness again, but it was an effective way of stopping the babbling. “Yes, my demon wants to claim you, find I’m getting kind of possessive about you, pet. And I’m glad you don’t mind being marked because I can pretty much guarantee it’s going to happen again, and in lots of different places. And I promise, once we’re together and sure of what’s happenin’ between us, I’ll mark you just like I said then clean you up a little, dress you up a lot and take you out on the town to show you off. What d’ ya think o’ that?” Spike’s grin grew at the dazed look on Xander’s face and couldn’t resist pushing him just a little further, who knew the Scooby would like carrying someone’s mark so much. Voice dropping back to a husky whisper, he leaned forward to nuzzle Xander‘s ear. “An’ the first time we make love, when I’ve got my cock buried as deep in your perfect arse as I can, and you’re writhing in my arms and begging me t' cum, I’ll bite you, sink my fangs slowly into your neck and just as slowly start to drink, each pull on your blood feeling like it’s going straight t' your cock…”

“Enough! Enough, oh gods, too sick, way too sick, no fair teasing, Spike, you make me want it all, and I can’t right now, but as soon as I’m better and…just not now.” Xander was panting, feeling his cock twitch again in renewed interest at the words that sinful voice spun around him. So much for not knowing if he was going to be able to have sex with a guy…maybe he was just Spikesexual, that would explain a lot.

Spike chuckled and looked down at the two of them, wrinkling his nose. “We’re a mess, pet, looks like it’s time to get cleaned up again. What do you say to a nice hot shower…together?” Xander’s repeated claims of, “too sick, this sucks,” had him laughing all the way to the bathroom, at least until he had a naked, wet, soapy Xander in his hands, then he started to agree whole-heartedly.


End file.
